The Bear Den - Who invented voice-mail? I want a name!

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[Odds and Ends] Who invented voice-mail? I want a name!

Due to various current circumstances in my life, I've needed to spend an inordinate amount of time on the phone with individuals such as lawyers, insurance adjusters, contractors, siblings, credit card companies, medical centers, and others.

Actually, to say that I've been "on the phone" with them is a complete mis-characterization. Rather, it would be much more accurate to say that I've been on the phone with their voice-mail systems.

And while I can readily acknowledge the utility of voice-mail, I've always loathed it. But never as much as I have lately.

I wish, for the inventor of voice-mail, a special version of eternity. May he or she be forever doomed to an eternity of:

"Thank you for your call. You call is important to us. In order to expedite your escape from Hell please listen carefully to the following options."

"To leave Hell, please press 1 now"

"You have chosen to leave Hell. To leave Hell in English please press 1 now"

"Unrecognized response. Please press 1 to continue to leave Hell."

"If you would like to leave Hell, please press 1 now or 2 for other options"

"You have chosen to leave Hell. Please press 1 to obtain literature on why you should stay in Hell in eternal agony or press 2 to continue"

"Are you sure you want to leave Hell? Press 1 for yes and 2 for no"

"You have chosen to leave Hell. Please stay on the line while we connect you to the next available demon"

(Air Supply plays)

"We're sorry, all demons are currently tormenting other sufferers. Please press 1 to continue your agony in Hell, or stay on the line for the next available demon"

(K. C. and the Sunshine Band plays)

"We're sorry for your interminable wait. Please press 1 to stay in Hell, 2 to continue waiting in agony or 9 to hang up and stay in Hell in agony"

"Thank you for your call. You call is important to us. In order to expedite your escape from Hell please listen carefully to the following options."

(until Hell freezes over)

TrackBacks[0] Comments[8] Posted by bear on July 19, 2005 3:27:40 PM CDT

Reply | Permalink Re: Who invented voice-mail? I want a name!

I hate voice mail as well. The thing that bugs me the most is how long it takes to navigate through a menu using voice prompts. If I'm trying to get ahold of someone I don't want to go through 10 minutes of trying to follow verbal instructions. I've become especially frustrated with automated menu systems since my home phone has decided to stop responding to the 3 key.

Comment from Anonymous on September 17, 2005 10:22:33 PM CDT

Reply | Permalink Re: Who invented voice-mail? I want a name!

I think you mean voice-response or IVR (interactive voice-response). Voice-mail is more like, "Hello, this is Laurence, please leave a message," followed by a slow talking female voice saying, "Please press 6 in order to leave a call-back number [long pause] or press one to leave a message [pause] or just stay on the line. [pause] When you are finished leaving the message (psst, [spoken quietly and more quickly] go get a a cup of coffee and I'll probably be done with these options by the time you get back, but don't tell anyone I told you this), you can press 8 for more options such as marking the message urgent [pause] or re-recording the message, otherwise you can...."

Comment from Laurence Sigmond on September 28, 2005 12:44:04 AM CDT

Reply | Permalink Re: Who invented voice-mail? I want a name!

"For a list of ways Technology has NOT improved our lives, press 6 ..." I have found that often you can press '0'(zero) and bypass the whole thing. Or just wait. I think they still have to allow for dial phones. Also, I just heard about someone with a blog of shortcuts for various vendors. Like Capital One, press '00'.

Comment from Anonymous on November 23, 2005 8:09:13 AM CST

Reply | Permalink Re: Who invented voice-mail? I want a name!

Get this...It was within a few years I was driving and the DJ mentioned the name of this person and that he died. She asked "have you heard the name ---- before? He is the one who invented that annoying Interactive Voice Response." I know where I was but can not remember the date or his name. I was fine not knowing until you brought this up and I can't find the answer anywhere. Well, at least he's dead.

Comment from Anonymous on February 16, 2006 2:02:01 PM CST

Reply | Permalink Re: Who invented voice-mail? I want a name!

Just wanted to thank you for your wget install walkthrough. It was very helpful.

Comment from tim fong on February 21, 2006 12:09:17 AM CST

Reply | Permalink Re: Who invented voice-mail? I want a name!

Gordon Matthews... http://www.thehistoryof.net/the-history-of-voicemail.html

Comment from Anonymous on May 26, 2006 3:54:07 PM CDT

Reply | Permalink Re: Who invented voice-mail? I want a name!

Scott Jones. Indianapolis native. He is the nicest guy on the planet. He is an extremly generous supporter of childrens organizations, like make a wish.

Comment from Anonymous on October 28, 2007 8:18:35 PM CDT

Reply | Permalink Re: Who invented voice-mail? I want a name!

LOL! Did he know what he'd be unleashing upon the world?

Comment from Bear on October 28, 2007 9:58:49 PM CDT

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