Redneck Computer Terms

Backup - What you do when you sight a skunk in the woods.
Bar code - Them's the fight'n rules down da local tavern.
Bug - The reason you is a giv'n for calling in sick.
Byte - What yer pit bull dun to cusin Jethro.
Cache - Needed when you go to da store.
Chip - Yer cusin's uncle's mother's boyfriend's name.
Terminal - Time to call da undertaker.
Crash - When you go to Junior's party uninvited.
Digital - The art of counting on your fingers.
Diskette - A female Disco dancer.
Hacker - Uncle Leroy after thirty years of smoking.
Hardcopy - Picture looked at when selecting tattoos.
Internet - Where cafeteria workers put their hair.
Keyboard - Where you hang the keys to the John Deere.
Mac - Big Bob's favorite fast food.
Megahertz - How your head feels after seventeen beers.
Modem - What ya did when the grass and weeds got too tall.
Mouse pad - Where Mickey and Minnie live.
Network - Scoop'n up a big fish before it breaks the line.
Online - Where to stay when taking the sobriety test.
Rom - Where the pope lives.
Screen - Helps keep the skeeters off the porch.
Serial port - A red wine you drink with breakfast.
Superconductor - Amtrak's Employee of the year.
Scsi - What you call your week-old underwear.

People and computers

There are always people in your life that think they know a lot about a subject but have no clue. Just because they spend hours on a computer surfing porn does not mean they should be a computer wizard. Some people do not realize that having a tech job is harder then it appears because you have to deal with people that have no clue what a toolbar is. I know people that think this, but it takes a lot more than surfing the net to solve problems.

Some adults say that it is hard to talk to kids so that they can understand what they are trying to say, well the same goes for people that have no clue how to do anything more then type a word document or send an email. It just amazes me that I work for a technology company that deals with computers. Certain people that work for this company can tell you all the specs of the newest servers, but have no clue about how to run anything on their own computer. Yes there are things that I have no clue how to do since I never had to do them! I do not expect a person to know how to drop their IP and reassign it, but I would think they would know how to delete temporary internet files or open up two instances of a browser.

I just love talking to people that say they know what they are doing. Some of them think that we are really smart and say yeah I know how to do that. A couple of minutes later I get a call saying that they forgot how to do it. But if the world did not have these types of people I would not have a job!

Eric Pascarello HTML/JavaScript moderator at JavaRanch.com