A Microsoft Joke

Patron: Waiter!
Waiter: Hi, my name is Bill, and I'll be your Support Waiter. What seems to be the problem?
Patron: There's a fly in my soup!
Waiter: Try again, maybe the fly won't be there this time. Patron: No, it's still there.
Waiter: Maybe it's the way you're using the soup; try eating it with a fork instead.
Patron: Even when I use the fork, the fly is still there.
Waiter: Maybe the soup is incompatible with the bowl; what kind of bowl are you using?
Patron: A SOUP bowl!
Waiter: Hmmm, that should work. Maybe it's a configuration problem; how was the bowl set up?
Patron: You brought it to me on a saucer;what has that to do with the fly in my soup?!
Waiter: Can you remember everything you did before you noticed the fly in your soup?
Patron: I sat down and ordered the Soup of the Day!
Waiter: Have you considered upgrading to the latest Soup of the Day?
Patron: You have more than one Soup of the Day each day??
Waiter: Yes, the Soup of the Day is changed every hour.
Patron: Well, what is the Soup of the Day now?
Waiter: The current Soup of the Day is tomato.
Patron: Fine. Bring me the tomato soup, and the check. I'm running late now.

[waiter leaves and returns with another bowl of soup and the check]

Waiter: Here you are, Sir. The soup and your check.
Patron: This is potato soup.
Waiter: Yes, the tomato soup wasn't ready yet.
Patron: Well, I'm so hungry now, I'll eat anything.


[waiter leaves.]

Patron: Waiter! There's a gnat in my soup!


The check:
Soup of the Day . ........... . . . . . . . . . $5.00
Upgrade to newer Soup of the Day. . . . . . . . $2.50
Access to support . . . . . . . . . . ..........$1.00

Getting Fat By Writing

Sorry to the people that normally read my blog, I have been real busy with work and my book!

Well this weekend was a rather harsh experience, trying to meet a deadline for my first part of the book. All I did was sit in front of the computer trying to get all of the information cleaned up. It was rather boring fixing my errors and creating screen shots, but I got it finished. (Thanks to Shona!)

I probably gained 10 pounds from all of the junk I ate while sitting in front of the computer. I nearly finished a big bag of chips with 2 containers of dip(French Onion Dip and Cheddar Cheese dip), half a box of saltines with half a jar of peanut butter, half a box of granola bars, 32oz bottle of raspberry cranberry juice, 1 64 oz bottle of lemon lime gatorade, and 1/2 gallon of fruit punch Kool-aide. Yes I did some thinking standing in the bathroom.

All I did was eat and type all day. I probably watched 30 minutes of TV in 3 days. I spent my hours locked up in my spare room/computer room in front of my window typing away. All I was thinking that is 85F outside and it is 67F in here. I rather be in the 67 degree weather I said to myself, which was a big lie.

Well I only have 13 more chapers to go, maybe I will gain some extra baggage to carry around with me along with the experience of writing a book!

Eric Pascarello HTML/JavaScript moderator at JavaRanch.com

My book

For anyone out there that reads my blog and does not know already, I am currently writing a book. You can see the details about it here: JavaScript Blueprint.

Eric Pascarello HTML/JavaScript moderator at JavaRanch.com

OLE

After the fire-truck arrived at a burning building in a small Spanish town, the firemen observed a man dressed in a matador's costume prancing around on the roof. Four of the firemen held a safety-net and urged him to escape from the burning building by jumping into the net. He refused and loudly proclaimed, "I'm Fearless Jose the bullfighter who fears nothing, not even fire."

The firemen begged and pleaded but to no avail. Jose kept prancing around while repeating the same phrase over and over until the firemen got really sick and tired of hearing it. Finally, when the flames began to scorch his butt, Jose announced he had changed his mind, was ready to jump and then leaped off the rooftop. As his body hurtled toward the safety-net, the four firemen shouted, "Ole!" and quickly moved it aside.

Tech TV Blues

Well if you did not know, Comcast bought out Tech TV and now has said bye bye to all of their San Fran people. That means the show I watch at 7PM every night when it is not a rerun is going bye bye! You can read about it here An article

I must admit there was a lot of wasted space on that network with a lot of repeats and shows that should have not been on there. Other shows have become infomercials for products.

I enjoyed watching The ScreenSavers and if I got home from work in time, Call for Help. Will any of those people be moved to LA? I have a feeling a couple might. There are people that say that if these people were so smart then why don't they go work for big corporations. Why would you want to do that when you can sit and play games and work and do segments on things you like! Desk job or freedom? Big choice there!

I just love corporate America! They take away things that people like and I personally have only watched the G4 network 3 times in my life. I guess I will just watch Full House reruns! At least my girlfriend can stop complaining abot me taking the TV over for one hour a night!

Eric Pascarello HTML/JavaScript moderator at JavaRanch.com

Phone Talk

A young businessman had just started his own firm. He had just rented a beautiful office and had it furnished with antiques.

He saw a man come into the outer office. Wishing to appear the hot shot, the businessman picked up the phone and started to pretend he had a big deal working. He threw huge figures around and made giant commitments.

Finally he hung up and asked the visitor, ''Can I help you?''

''Yeah, I've come to activate your phone lines.''

Are they doing work?

There are some days you walk past people's cube and you wonder if they are actually doing work. They are just sitting there with a stern face looking that their computer. I know everyone has those days where you just can not function, but certain people seem to have a lot of those days.

There are people that seem to be on the phone, but they are not talking on it. There are others that seem to be writing an email, but nothing is being typed.

It is worse when you goto a sales floor and you here them talking on the phone. It sounds like they are talking to ther best friends. Now are they being friendly with the customer to make a good bond, or are they talking to the man in the next cube?

People here like to call me when they are a cube away. I rather talk to a person face to face. When you talk to these people on the phone you get that whole echo effect since you can hear them in their cube and hear them on the delayed phone.

All I know is I thank sites liek addicitinggames.com to help ease those days of boredom. Now that I am finishing up this blog I am wondering what my point is? I have no idea! Well at least it filled up some of your spare time!

Eric Pascarello HTML/JavaScript moderator at JavaRanch.com

Postal Joke

Two postal workers had just gotten off their routes for the day when one of the postal workers saw the other step on a snail. "Why did you step on that snail, Cliffy?" asked his perplexed co-worker.

"Cause that darn snail's been following me around work all day!"

Limited

Today I put rules on my mail since I am getting tired of deleting my 40+ emails of spam every morning. I now have all of the webmaster content going to a folder that gets deleted on a 3 day basis, I just have to make sure I check it so I do not miss that one mail out of 1000 that is important!

I also made a rule to move my daily reports into a folder along with other informaiton that I normally archive manually. Now this is going to save me a couple of minutes in the morning! More time to blog, oh wait I mean work!

The sad part is that the rules are very limited. They need to implement a regular expression type of setting into it. With a regular expression code A.S.D.F.G would be considered the same as ASDFG! This would make the ruless even stronger!

Well I better get back to work!

Eric Pascarello HTML/JavaScript moderator at JavaRanch.com

Alien Gas

A woman was getting gas at a Shell station off the freeway. As she whistled while pumping the gas, a UFO parked beside her car and a tall green alien came out. It too was pumping gas. The woman out of curiousity asked, "UFO stands for unidentified flying object, right?" The alien replied, "Stupid humans. It means unleaded fuel only!"

10,20,30 cents

My car takes the top notch fuel which makes a big hole in my pocket everytime I go to the pump to fill up. I am just surprised on how gas stations accross the street can have such different prices. I am talking a 10 cent difference. Now people might say that is not a lot, but you think it takes 16 gallons to fill up a tank. That is a $1.60!

Also it is strange when I drive to neighboring towns. The price of gas can be 20 to 30 cents more within a five minute drive. I am just wondering if the people in that town actualy buy the gas there? I personally wouldn't, but you do not know how lazy some people could be!

Now if the gas proce is a penny difference, I am not going to drive aross the street or down the block to get the cheaper price. You will waste what you gain in driving that short distance.

We will see how expensive it gets in the middle of the summer!

Eric Pascarello HTML/JavaScript moderator at JavaRanch.com