Brake Joke
One day this mechanic was working late under a car and some brake fluid dripped into his mouth. "Wow! That stuff isn't too bad tasting," he thought.

The next day he told his buddy about tasting the brake fluid. "Not bad," he said. "Think I'll have a little more today." His friend got a little concerned but didn't say anything.

The following day the mechanic told his friend about drinking a cup full of the brake fluid. "Great stuff! Think I'll have some more today." And so he did.

A few days later the mechanic was up to a bottle a day, and told his friend, "This brake fluid is really great stuff." His friend was now really worried. "You know that brake fluid is poison and really bad for you. You better stop drinking that stuff."

"Hey, no problem," the mechanic replied. "I can stop any time."

Auto Complete JavaScript
I have been working on an auto complete JavaScript function. It is still in the testing phase, but it works with the major browsers that I tested so far.

The code creates a list of options from an array. How the matches are made can be adjusted to find text anywhere in a string or the exact say way the user wants it. You can also ignore case too.

There will be more options added to it in the future.

You can read more about it and download the codehere: AutoComplete Type Ahead Example

If you want to see more options, add a comment here.

Eric Pascarello
Moderator of HTML/JavaScript at www.JavaRanch.com
Author of: JavaScript: Your Visual Blueprint for Dynamic Web Pages

The Hunting Dog Breeder
Chester and Earl are going hunting. Chester says to Earl, "I'll send my dog out to see if there are any ducks out in the pond. If there aren't any ducks out there, I'm not going hunting."

So he sends the dog out to the pond. The dog comes back and barks twice. Chester says, "Well I'm not going to go out. He only saw two ducks out there."

Earl says, "You're going to take the dog's barks for the truth?" Earl doesn't believe it, so he goes to look for himself. When he gets back he says, "I don't believe it where did you get that dog? There really are only two ducks out there!"

Chester says, "Well, I got him from the breeder up the road. If you want, you can get one from him, too."

So Earl goes to the breeder and says he wants a dog like the one his friend Chester has. The breeder obliges and Earl brings the dog home, tells it to go out and look for ducks. Minutes later the dog returns with a stick in it's mouth and starts humping Earl's leg.

Outraged, Earl takes the dog back to the breeder and says, "This dog is a fraud. I want my money back!"

The breeder asks Earl what the dog did. So Earl tells him that when he sent the dog out to look for ducks, it came back with a stick in its mouth and started humping his leg.

The breeder says, "Earl, all he was trying to tell you was that there are more fucking ducks out there than you can shake a stick at!"

The Office is a Prairie
There is a commercial on TV that a guy sees a prairie dog and it reminds him of the office life. I find that to be so true.

My first job as a contractor for MCI-Digex, I had a cuffice. For those that do not know what a cuffice is, it is a cube with higher walls and a door. Basically you can not stand up and see over the wall and you have privacy. You are able to close you door and no one can even tell that you are working (or not working.)

My current job as a contractor with the Army, I am in a normal cube with low walls. I have noticed I tend to stand up to see what the commotion is. I tend to butt into more conversations.

When I was in my cuffice, I never really cared what was going on since it would require me to walk through my door. Those extra steps made it more work then it was worth.

My solution, remove all of the walls so it makes it easier for me to talk to my co-workers so I get no work done. Oh wait, I mean make the walls taller so I get work done because I am lazy!

Eric Pascarello
Moderator of HTML/JavaScript at www.JavaRanch.com
Author of: JavaScript: Your Visual Blueprint for Dynamic Web Pages